CRITICISM TO SCHISM

THE VERDE WORD

Throughout our lives, we are all criticised many times.  Some is expected or asked for, and some is unwanted.  The manner in which we are criticised can cause schisms between family, friends, colleagues or anyone.  It can be particularly delicate if it involves people in our workplace.

This week’s Verde Word Criticism to Schism shows the difference between criticism and a critique, communicating advice without criticising and, the schism that may develop from the manner of the criticism.

Firstly, the word ‘Criticise’ means to: ‘indicate the faults of (someone or something) in a disapproving way.’ (Oxford Dictionary).

Then, what is ‘Constructive criticism’ is it a term and attempt to justify one’s excuse or reasoning to criticise in a negative way?

Secondly, the word ‘Critique’ means: ‘a detailed analysis and assessment of something especially a literary, philosophical, or political theory’. (Oxford Dictionary).

Thirdly, the word ‘Schism’ means: ‘a split or division between strongly opposed sections or parties, caused by differences in opinion or belief.’ (Oxford Dictionary).

To avoid disharmony we try to avoid creating schisms, or rifts and division between family and friends but also, work colleagues.  At work, there are few things worse than unsettled and unhappy staff.  It affects business, harmony, processes, progress and in the long term, profitability.

Therefore, it is within everyone’s interest to focus on being kind, fair, honest and open in relationships, but also to ensure that all individual and group efforts are welcome, encouraged, well done and with merit that leads to a positive outcome.

The practice of consistently providing positive criticism to staff can be used in our private and personal lives such as, when dealing with partners, children, family and friends.  Otherwise, there can be conflict at family functions such as Christmas and holiday family gatherings.  When all of the family gets together perhaps Uncle Bob has been greatly aggrieved and aggravated all year because cousin Ted told Uncle Bob that the paintwork on his new boat is the ‘worst he has ever seen, in fact, it is rubbish!’

What happens during Christmas dinner?  Uncle Bob and cousin Ted start arguing, the excreta impacts the oscillator and Christmas dinner turns into an unhappy family gathering.

Criticising someone in public or in the vicinity of others whether in the home, workplace or anywhere else, is inadvisable.  This is because everyone has an opinion that they sometimes express whether it is negative, positive or who is around.  Publicly expressing a strong opinion may cause the recipient to feel uncomfortable and those in the vicinity who may not welcome the involvement.

The manner that we use to criticise determines whether the outcome is positive or negative.  Below are two scenarios with the same two people, Mary and the Boss.  You choose which is better and why.

SCENARIO 1.

Boss:

“Hello Mary, thanks for your report on mangoes.  Don’t get me wrong, but there are typos, the grammar is poor, it is too long, you have left out the impact of refrigeration, transport, and time in storage. It is a good report, but do you think that Pam could do a better job?”

Mary:

“Well I am sorry Boss, if you think my writing poor and I missed out on things, maybe you had better give it to Pam!”

The boss then grovels making apologies trying to fix his mistake of hurting not only Mary’s feelings, but also her esteem, confidence and her sense of belonging in the company.

How better it would have been for the boss to handle it differently.

SCENARIO 2.

Boss:

“Mary, you have the report done, so soon, well done! 

It is very good.  I wonder if we have missed anything, I wonder how we can make it even better?

I am sure this can go to the senior managers of Transport, Storage and then Marketing and Development if we add some more into it. What do you think?  What can be added? What about refrigeration and other things?  Do you have any ideas?

Mary, it would be good to take this report further, if you would like to do this it I would appreciate it.”

Mary:  “Thanks Boss.  Yes, sure, I will develop it further.”

There is a vast difference between the two scenarios and how the criticism is given and accepted.

Scenario 1 shows how a rift or schism has developed between Mary and the Boss which in turn could affect other staff.  As Mary would go home aggrieved, it could also affect other people in Mary’s personal life especially if she takes it out on others such as her kids and family.

Scenario 2 provides a different technique.  The boss has provided feedback to Mary, respected her abilities, not damaged her self esteem nor has he allowed for a schism and ill feelings to develop between them. 

The boss knows what Mary missed out on, knows the spelling and grammar will be picked up the second time around and, more importantly, he has given Mary the opportunity to develop her own ideas and to independently improve the report whilst allowing her to feel pride in her work.

The deliberate use of excessive power and domination over staff or anyone else is a waste of time as it only alienates people and creates schisms.  

Constructive criticism is an excuse or justification by criticising. That the Oxford Dictionary has established that to criticise is to ‘indicate the faults of (someone or something) in a disapproving way’ means that one who says they are providing 'constructive criticism' is deliberately being nasty but trying to hide their nasty steak under the guise of being helpful. 

Constructive criticism is nasty and ego building for the critic.  It does no good except to drive ill feelings and creates schisms. If someone wants to be helpful, they can find other ways to help such as providing guidance by either saying nothing or leading others in the same manner as the 'Boss' in Scenario 2.

Back to Uncle Bob and Cousin Ted

SCENARIO 3.

As mentioned earlier, Uncle Bob and cousin Ted argued over Christmas dinner.

What started the Christmas dinner fracas was the painting job Uncle Bob had done on his first boat, a ‘fix-er-upper’.  It is a small wooden clinker hulled blue boat.  It was all Uncle Bob could afford.  He had never painted anything before let alone a boat.  Uncle Bob decided to use some old green paint and some old brushes in the garage.  The job was finished and cousin Ted arrived and the first thing he said was:

“Bob...what do you think you are playing at?  I’ve sure seen better coloured greens than that!  Besides...it is streaky, bubbly, looks like it was not cleaned or sanded down first!”

Naturally, Uncle Bob was not happy.  He had no idea about cleaning and sanding down boats.  An argument ensued and the final words from Uncle Bob was him saying that if Ted did not like it he can jump in the lake.

Uncle Bob had done his best with what he had and the more Ted found fault with Bob’s job, the more it negatively affected their relationship and created a schism between them and the family members that took sides.  It could have been a happier Christmas dinner.

KIDS

Now, the same goes for kids, always praise them, encourage them to come up with doing things differently. Encourage them to come up with new ideas. You may have thought of ideas first, but let them think for themselves, you might be surprised at the results.  You may know the answers but is it not better to provide a question to the kid and let him develop his own reasoning and creative judgement. 

We being adults should be secure enough inside ourselves to not play power games such as:

“I’m bigger and older and know lots more stuff than you. You’re just a little kid, I know better, I’m a grown up!”

Who’s the kid?

The adult or the child?

Everyone needs to be encouraged to grow. Give them the tools to grow instead of being pickey. 

So what if Uncle Bob’s paint job was not perfect, who cares?  The important thing is that Bob got up and gave it a go.  The spirit of ‘giving it a go’ is a must for survival and growth, regardless of the results.  Besides, I bet Uncle Bob did a better job of painting the boat next time!

CONCLUSION

Keep in mind:  The words criticise and critique are very different.

If someone says they are performing a critique, they have to be analysing and assessing words or material etc.

If people are not analysing and assessing words or data, they ARE indeed criticising, picking and finding fault.  And unfortunately, this can be their power game.

No matter how good or badly a job or task is performed, it is the wise boss, relative, friend or parent that knows how to lead by using encouragement instead of finding fault to increase their own personal esteem.

Verde